Day 250: Wherever you go, There you Are. So I'm in Bed.

Today, like Claire, I did what I do best.

I watched four hours (semi consciously…there was some napping in my defense) of Flava of Love. It was like a car wreck. The gold teeth, the semi coherent babble, the curiosity over what exactly Flava Flave has done to his brain, the confusion over what the girls were thinking…

Then I talked to Claire, took an official nap, and watched Deal or No Deal and Top Model. It’s been very trying for me.

I’m sincerely concerned by my fascination with TV since I’ve been back. As I should be. Flava of Love? Really, Lara? I would like to think it’s a result of being sick, that my mental capacity is lowered. But I feel that would be a lie. Hence the concern. I was also worried that the “smart girl” one of the Real World dudes dates majored in “science” during college. I was reminded of when people (Claire? Me?) thought for a moment that Sue-belle’s mother majored in P.E.

But I am amazed that as I lie in my bed, watching the bad bad TV and feeling unable to leave my house, that I am stressing about things to do. Claire and I spend our time working when we can, traveling whenever possible, jaunting around visiting friends and writing whatever we like. Our lives do not seem stressful; however, as Claire and I have found, if you are going to be stressed you are going to be stressed.

The expression “wherever you go, there you are,” is not just something my mother used to tell me whenever I asked when we were going to arrive at the end of our long car trips. It turns out that wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, it’s still just you. This is sad for a lot of reasons. For example, if I decided to give up all my attachments to the world, and moved to an ashram in India, I would still care about who Flava Flave ended up with.

Similarly, I can be at home with all my needs being met by my wonderful mother, who has slowly nursed me back towards health through gallons of OJ, lots of whining, and nice things like mashed potatoes to hush me up and keep me going, and still feel stressed. I am not technically working right now, though as Claire will tell you the ridiculous needs of our editing clients never cease, and the majority of my shopping is done.

As my mother brings me more liquids and I lie in bed watching Friends reruns, I know my life is ridiculously good. My father just told me about this new theory he stumbled across, in which everyone has a basic happiness percentage. Even after major highs/lows, most people return to a basic level within a matter of months. I think this also applies to stress levels. In high stress situations, I keep it together well. In low stress situations, I lie awake at night thinking of the 3 things I have to do the next day. It’s pathetic.

Here’s a small collection of Claire and I “stressing” over our work recently:

Thailand...this was a rough week.

Granada, Spain:

Chefchaouen, Morocco from the roof of our hotel:


Layla Goldstar said...

Cool beans!

sarah mac said...

my friend margaret was on the flava of love. i kid you not. i can't remember what her stage name was as i never saw the episodes, but she was the very tall brunette (white girl) with a breathy voice. she only made it through 2 rounds because she was painfully shy in front of the camera, which is really weird because she's been filmed numerous times and even starred in a b-horror flick as a satanic cheerleader. when asked why she subjected herself to such insanity, she responded, "well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, and i was open to seeing if we could make a love connection". unfortunately she decided that she would never be able to live with a crack addict and gratefully came back home a little wiser.

BD said...

That penguin gif is fantastic...

Claire and Lara said...

see, sarahmac. This is how we found each other in cyberspace. I know which one you're talking about.

trippingonwords said...

"unfortunately she decided that she would never be able to live with a crack addict and gratefully came back home a little wiser."

sarah - put down the crackpipe and get ahold of yourself. WE NEED MORE INFORMATION. you cannot simply say that your "friend" was on flava flave and not give us more.

are there any youtube vids of her???

sarah mac said...

whoa, man. i had no idea that my comment would cause so much excitement. let's's a little more info...

margaret used to work for a councilman in san diego who was disgraced during his term by a huge scandal involving strip clubs...the FBI was called in and everything. (i really can't go into any more detail as it would further embarass those involved.) she was laid off when he resigned and then started working at one of our favorite little bars in golden hill.

she generally lived a life of luxury and was always so stylishly dressed. which was really funny because she had this white toyota truck that was always damp somehow, smelled slightly of rotting milk and was missing its front bumper because of some accident that was most certainly her fault. she would always drive up to my house in san diego and park on the lawn. very WT, but we loved it. she also dumped a row of connected vintage movie theater seats from this historic theater that was being torn down on our front porch and we would sit in them and smoke cigarettes (back when i was a smoker).

when i had a religious icon party last january (we were not mocking, jesus by the way claire, although i did make a really awesome balloon sculpture of jesus on the cross that became a prize for the best costume) she came as a representative from unarius...they're kind of like the heaven's gaters only more cosmic. she had a speech and everything and got up on the mike and regaled the guests with all kinds of convincing data on why unarius really is the shit.

she also founded NGO, a female wrestling troupe in detroit. i'm pretty sure she was undefeated. she was and still is deeply into Supermodel Documentary Hour where one girl is named the model and the other girls get to decide the theme and pick out the costumes. the coordinating girls call the model with 1 hour advance notice to get her butt in gear. the coordinators pick the location and tell the girl how to pose. this could be as ridiculous as being made to wear a trash bag with red stilletos and an afro wig on the golden gate bridge during rush hour (just as one example). in short, madge is a lot of fun.

soooooo...when she decided to audition for the flava of love, we were like, 'what tha?' but it fits with her wide array of interests. she made it through the audition process like we knew she would and she packed her bags to go to LA for a couple of weeks.

she said that it was a very bizarre and nerve wracking experience. that she felt like she had nothing witty at all to say and would clam up as soon as the camera panned on her. she said that it was a total nightmare being filmed constantly and that as a result, she felt like she should be really dramatic in everything she did, like brushing her teeth, but couldn't bring herself to do it.

she said that flava flave was a total crack head, that he would come into the house only occasionally and raise holy hell with his whole 'flav' thang and the girls would go all crazy in response. she said that his eyes were a disturbing shade of yellow and that he seemed to be on drugs at all times. she had to go back to do a reunion thing and was not looking forward to it.

the only thing that i have to say about this whole escapade is that it was totally weird and i'm glad that she and flava flav did not fall madly in love. instead she found a hot photographer in chicago, got a puppy and is now engaged, living in the windy city. that enough? i'm afraid if i say anything more, i'll have someone after me for libel or slander; although i assert that all of this is true as told to me over the course of several evenings of front porch wineage.

Claire and Lara said...

front porch wineage...i'm using that. this is hysterical and we should post it.

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