Day 275: Listing Feminine Stuff

There are some people in life that no matter how rarely you see or talk to them, you pick back up with easily. Despite the fact that she occasionally refers to herself as a “social retard” (such horrific terminology, I know. She disgusts me) and used to dress in sweatpants and flannels in grade school, Bess is a person like this for me.

So I spent the day exchanging phone calls and distracting emails from her before an extensive “lunch” that with our writer’s schedules finally came together at 5 PM. During this time we discussed:

--the value of Christian prayer books (acceptable…especially the ones that do not promise exclusive devotion to the big JC, her being Jewish and me uncategorized and all)

--whether I would like Ethiopia even if I were only allowed to pee in a bucket (both agree YES)

--the importance of pink and purple to women (she hates it…she is alone in this absolute)

--the times when extremely expensive footwear is acceptable (when it’s really really pretty)

--whether it’s okay to scam large overpriced franchises like Barney’s (yes, but not in the professional shoplifter way)

--whether or not our friends needed to marry rich (a list not to be disclosed)

--boy behaviors that morph me into the girliest of girls (unclear signals)

--whether she should attend a wedding of a boy she used to flirt with (affirmative…she set him up with the bride)

--the importance of Lance remaining out of jail for our country (VERY)

--and whether my mozzarella tasted too smoky (it did)

This is the type of ridiculous babble that somehow morphs into meaningful relationships. I do not know how this happens. I also really really wonder what guys would discuss over such a luncheon. I hope it is not things like cars and women and jobs, but then I look at how TOTALLY girl-luncheon-cliché our conversation was, and realize that this could be true.

To continue the girly trend, here are my opinions on the first half of the Golden Globes. However, I will preface this girliness by pointing out that unlike Claire, I have certainly held AND fired guns before. Quite a good shot, I must say. So there’s some manly for you. Grunting and Scratching all around.

Also, forgive the picture's just that they're all so pretty.

--I like Angelina Jolie a LOT less after her ridiculous pre-show interview with Ryan Seacrest. He is a tool. She, however, was a raging horror to the point that even the announcers remarked that she clearly just wanted to be with children in a third world country. This redeemed the pre-show in my opinion. Brad is charming. Stop sucking his life force, Jolie. And I have never thought like this before…she had the amount of my respect and admiration that comes from being really really hot while adopting children from cool places. I am lame and celebrity gullible, I admit. But she did look hot tonight.

--Justin Timberlake…I want to think you’re a cheesy loser while not-so-secretly loving your music, but your Prince impersonation was funny.

--Prince--I wish your excessive costuming and make-up did not make you too late to give an acceptance speech. Little Red Corvette 4 Eva. I love you so.

--Don’t worry, George. Not nearly as much as you. No one competes with you.

--Meryl Streep can get away with stupid life lessons in her speech because she is a legend and she deserves it.

--I will now begin watching House. Best acceptance speech EVER. Who else says their support crew smells of "freshly mown grass"?

--Is Jack Nicholson dying? Why was he the focus of the world? And how old is the daughter who handed out all the awards exactly? I'm torn between 14 and the GORGEOUS age of 25.

--Beyonce needs to learn how to wear different types of dresses.

--Why hasn’t Salma Hayek learned English yet?

Ah, awards shows. Why these people need another night of glamour and recognition I do not know. I have three new Star magazines that my mother ganked from some bathroom in San Francisco whose titles about Mary Kate’s anorexia, insightful articles on whether Brit and Paris are more than friends, and phrases like the “panty posse” reveal that these people do not need more attention.

But do I love them? Affirmative, ghost rider. (writer? I say it all the time, and don’t actually know…)

PS: Though I completely forgot this was a holiday due to my non-traditional schedule, we must take a moment to remember that this day is dedicated in memory of the world-changing and amazing Martin Luther King, Jr. What I would not give for his leadership today…


Jonathan said...

"Rider". As in the oft-quoted (for some reason) line from Top Gun, "Negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full" right before Tom Cruise buzzes the tower anyway, causing the tower guy to spill coffee (again). It appears to be (used in this way at least) a military callsign/variable of some sort.

Anonymous said...

what's "the pattern"?

SavvySunshine said...

"the importance of pink and purple to women"
-I, too, dislike those colors, so Bess is not alone. (Although a good hot pink never hurt anyone and eggplant purple looks good.)

"extremely expensive footwear is acceptable"
-Ususally, extremely expensive anything is not acceptable, unless it's footwear.

Love the recap on the Globes. House is the BEST show on TV! Hugh Laurie rocks!

lawyer lana said...

lara, good blog! very funny. all pictures were HILARIOUS. so, a few things:

- i dont love purple, but i do looooove pink (the color, NOT the artist, i actually despise the artist with a force usually reserved for GWB and birds)
- i did love house's speech, but i was sad for keifer. 24 foreva!
- WHEN is brad gonna get some love!? just sayin!
- justin FOREVA! i saw alpha dog. it was good.
- how cute was ugly betty's shoutout to her mama?!
- quit hating on salma's english, she can speak it, just not that well! dang!
- poor cameron. first justin, then that dress. sigh.

Claire and Lara said...

I don't get the pattern comment. If it's about a pattern in what was discussed, there is none. That is the reality-type element of the blogging.

And jonathan...thanks for hte clarification. Seriously.

lawyer lana said...

oooohhhhh hold up hold up hold up, i think anonymous is responding to JONATHAN. he says pattern in his top gun quote. i mean i still dont get it. but i'm sayin, its gotta be that.

Jonathan said...

"Pattern" would in this case of course refer to the flight pattern of the aircraft around the tower.

trippingonwords said...

oh, how fascinating.

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